Have You Hugged a Septa Driver Today?

My morning consisted of a LOT of public transportation with a LOT of my fellow public transitors (notice how I not only made up a word here, I used “-or” instead of “-er"...everyone knows that nouns that end in “-or” are MUCH classier...)Apparently, the R5, or now “for our convenience” is simply called the “Paoli/Thorndale Line”, didn’t feel like making the usual express run from Bryn Mawr. People were SCRAMBLING to get on the train at Narberth. I’m pretty sure the conductor shouted “Women and children first!” as people piled on. Chivalry being LONG dead at this point, left poeple pushing and shoving, trying to finagle their way to stand into any crevice (yup- I went there) possible… seriously. By the way, adding to the stress, the train was 10 minutes late-normally this wouldn’t be a big deal. Normally people give themselves some grace time to get to work.

Normally.

Me? Nope.

I take the latest train possible that gets me to work with like 2 minutes to spare if it runs on time… which it never does.

I get it.

Sometimes I set myself up for a problem.

I like drama.

It gets the adrenalin pumping.

Sue me.

No. Don’t sue me.

Just deal with it and read my blog.




But seriously people, us Zone two-ors pay over $120 a month to ride into center city each morning. PLEASE for the love of God, add some more cars! I RARELY get to sit down on my commute to work. Okay, Okay. Do I appreciate that I save like $25 a month by not having a parking spot- sure who doesn’t like to save $25? But this isn’t some graceful train we’re talking about. You know those like fancy ones in Europe or Asia or something.

Septa’s cars are rocky. They are unpredictable. They speed up and slow down, turn on a dime!

Do you KNOW how clumsy I am? Do you KNOW how clumsy I am in heels?

What’s that? Wear sneakers on commute? Like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl?

HELL NO, this is not 1988 and I am not trying to date Harrison Ford, even if he’s down for a chick in some sneaks.


So friends, I will leave you with one question:
Have you hugged a Septa driver today?

Apprently you had to go to an Ivy League college to write comedy.

Mindy Kaling’s book is hilarious. Read it. Go out and buy it. Download it to your kindle. Whatever, just read it.

However, and don’t hate me, but for Mindy being a writer, it’s not really written that well. Maybe it’s because I was expecting more of a memoir. I’m obsessed with memoirs. But Mindy’s book is written more like a blog- a hilarious and thoughtful piece of work- but a blog nonetheless. I guess it’s considered an “essay”.

Who knows?

I’ve been talking about writing a book for the last like four years. I always joke I want to write a memoir about my family, but If I could write a book, in blog style, like Mindy Kaling, and have it sell, I’d be pumped.

But, Mindy’s book did inspire me to get back into blogging. For real this time. Right, right, I know what you’re thinking. I understand I constantly apologize for my mini hiatuses, but this time, NO SIR. I’m not apologizing.

I also recognize that blogging is egotistical, especially when it’s about NOTHING and I expect at least my 3 loyal followers to read it (hi guys!)and live by it, and then text me immediately after posting it to tell me how hilarious I am. I am hilarious.

Awesome.

Instead of an apology, I will leave you with a short list of things I like and dislike. I’ve been really into making mental lists. I've also become increasingly aware of things that annoy the shit out of me.

Things I love:
-Growing my own produce
-Puppies
-Drawing pictures that look like they’re stencils

Things that I dislike:
-Couples that work out together
-Couples that make out post work out
-Couples that fight on the train from NY to Philadelphia and sit right next to me and make it hard for me to even hear my music over their bickering.

Happy Monday!

Call me Suzy Chapstick

So, because I've made millions of dollars in the last year... (obviously not) I bought skis with my friends Jo and Mike (aka my only readers- hi guys!) so I can do something besides hybrinate and gain 1037427932847 lbs this winter.





But, I got a new job, they hired me because I'm so good with paint and photoshop!

Sexy Farmer Look

I'm just gonna jump right out and say it. I know you're all thinking it. THANK GOD my blogs are back. Here we go,


I wish I could explain to the world how Fox's show the New Girl is loosely based on my life. The amount I can relate to Jess, the main character played by Zooey Deschanel, is unbelievable. Whether its her complete inability to have any type of game when it comes to guys, not being able to say the word "penissst" (I prefer "pee-pee boy", or thinking overalls make her look like a "sexy farmer", it never stops surprising me how similar we are.

Compare:

Zooey sporting overalls, heels and librarian glasses,



or... me sporting a white undershirt and jean cut offs 2 sizes to big, actually farming...




Who makes the sexier farmer? You decide. But I think we all know the answer.

Something old, something new, something BALLER, something blue

So once again its been a while, so I thought I'd update you on some fun things that have happened in the last month or so.

I went to Nascar. Thats right. NASCAR. I attended a massive tailgate with 70 JMU alum where speakers were blasting music and pulled pork was abundant. It was quite eventful. Day drinking can get tiresome, but when you start at noon (well i guess 10:30 we had mimosas) and the race doesn't even begin until 7 or 8 you're bound to miss the end. We went into Nascar for atleast half the race, but it was time to go. Our necks were red (no pun intended...maybe) and we were all severely dehydrated... as soon as we got back to my brother's friends parents house (got it?) I beelined for my bed, no longer than several hours of deep sleep I awoke PARCHED. I stumbled to the bathroom, scooped water from the faucet with my hands because only civilized people use glasses (hey, it was nascar remember?) I woke up in the morning and was picked up by Mike and Drew and we drove 35 miles out of the way to get Sonic.. which I had never had before, but must admit has some tasty milkshakes, I could have done without the burger.


What I really wanted to write about was the most amazing night ever. THANK YOU COREY! Corey won q102's Bridesmaids give-away (no... she is not getting married.) She and 9 friends (this girl included) gathered at her apartment last friday around 7:30pm where we were escorted by a limo just a block away to a restaurant called kokopellis. Since said restaurant was only 500 feet from Corey's apartment we asked Maquees (the best driver ever) to please stop at a liquor store for champagne, drive around city hall and prepare himself to get crazy.

We used up almost our entire tab at kokopellis ($800 thanks to Q102) eating delicious tapas style food and taking copious shots of top shelf tequila with the waitress and the bus boy. Now that we were feelin' loose, it was time give Marquees the 20 minute heads up, and roll up to The Roxxy.

There, we cut the line because we was VIP babay, had free entry and Corey had her choice of flavored vodka on Elvis... (No i do not mean that she would be drinking vodka off an elvis but rather I am referring to the Q102 morning talk show "Elvis in the Morning") Being pretty sauced up as we were, we barely put a dent in the liquor and in fact, after about an hour of being there called Marquees and tried to sneak the bottles out in our small jackets... fail.

Words cannot explain how crazy this night was. Thank you Corey and Q102 for making this "bachelorette" party one I (and hte cops outside The Roxxy that flashed their lights for Corey) will never forget!

I lost my flyers virginity

Yesterday was a big day for me...

I went to my first flyers game ever and experienced every single aspect of a hockey game in one night!! Well.. almost ever aspect, except the ONE part I wanted to see, a fight. Sighh... even though there was no fight, it was a really awesome time:

Since my friend mike's fam has these great seats right behind the penalty box, we got to experience hockey players, pucks and penalties at a range I never would have imagined. Then, thanks to my fancy connections as well, we were able to spend most of the second period getting free beers and gourmet (well.. that could be a stretch) food in a suite thanks to a friend of mine- seriously like the best suite in the stadium, center ice... court.. field? what is it called?

As if experiencing my first flyers game from 2 incredible angles wasn't enough, we had several photo-shoots by Print Room Photo Services - you know the guys that walk around with cameras hoping you'll go online and buy the photo instead of just taking the screen shot- thanks for getting that screen shot jo!

The BEST part of the night (YEAH IT GETS EVEN BETTER) which goes beyond discovering it was Dollar Dog Night (which made me love my first flyers experience THAT much more- we all know hot dogs are my favorite meal) but on top of THAT some dude made it RAIN wieners!!! Seriously, we caught on film what will make all of us who attended the game, YouTube celebrities, or atleast the guy we were filming a local celebrity (delluuuusssionnalll???)- which if ANY of you know ANY thing about me, its that I want NOTHING more than to become a youTube star and then get a web redemption with Daniel Tosh, where he falls madly in love with me and we will run off into the Hollywood Hills together... yup.

Check it out.






Peace. Love. Oscar Mayer.

CHUG-A-CHOO-CHOO-BEER!

See what I did there, with the title? I combined Chuga-choo-choo like a train with Chug A Beer... Why am I not on television again??

I know I've been M.I.A but I actually blogged 3 times, I think, in February which is a new record. I think.

Moving on,


ITS THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN.. Time to hop back on a school bus and drink some beers- SAINT PATTYS DAY '11!! Wo0o0o0o0o0o0o!

I dont know what your plans are this weekend, but if you've never gone on the Erin Express, you're missing out. This Saturday, get cho ass to philly and hop on the Erin Express and experience St Pattys day with hundreds of sweaty boozers on a yellow school bus. Okay, to be honest I've only done the Erin Express 1 time before. It was fun, but severely crowded and a ton of waiting around for buses to pick us up.

Not your style? Well if you're anything like me and enjoy craft beer, multiple bars in philly are running specials through the Craft Beer Express targeted at a more "mature audience"- this may sound pervy but they're trying to create events based on quality beer with comfortable amounts of people. For $10, this bus ride will take you to any bars between Kraftworks, Johnny Brenda's, Standard Tap, The Institute, Bishop's Collar, Kite & Key, Jose Pistolas, Sidecar, P.O.P.E, Devils Den,Brauhaus Schmitz & Race St. Cafe. I think I'm in. www.craftbeerexpress.com

okay since the only thing clever/humorous was the title of this blog I'll leave you with a haiku:

St. Patty's Day:

Green is all around
Beer is also all around
Drink beer til you're green.



Peace. Love. St. Patrick

I love myself.

Today's blog is dedicated to my favorite person ever: ME. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, ME!



So, because I love myself so much, I bought myself a GIANT heart-shaped box of chocolate for Valentine's Day. Later tonight, I will curl up to a ro-co (romantic comedy... aka probably just play jeopardy!) or watch old episodes of 30 Rock (who better than Liz Lemon to spend V-day with?!) while I take massive amounts of chocolate to the face.


Speaking of Jeopardy... THIS WEEK IS COMPUTER WEEK!!! OO! OO! And yes, I got a reminder in my e-mail for "Man Vs. Machine" telling me that tonight, tomorrow and wednesday our dear friends I've mentioned before are challenging IBM's "Watson" to a tournament. ... I know, I know, I've talked about this before- old blews (thats my new word for blog news-> blews). But whatever. I'm cool. And so is Jeopardy.

Back to me. This weekend I went to Arlington... something new and different for me. Well, I guess it was different this time. With a friend visiting from Texas, we ended up doing some touristy things.. Saw some monuments and just walked around the mall (NO not a SHOPPING MALL... READ A BOOK) On Saturday night we went out in Adam's Morgan- SO FUN, a super young part of town- we went to a great bar called Madam Organ- (clever? yes ) with a live band. But what is not so fun? Fighting against the massive amounts of crowds as the bars let out and the 10,000+ Teach Teach For America teachers in town for their conference. So we went into numerous pizza shops, where Jason proceeded to eat, what I can only assume was an entire pizza, by the slice and I bonded with the workers, because I too know how to throw a pizza as well (please no standing ovation).

So kids, I'm out.

Peace. Love. Arcade Fire

It's 7pm, do you know where your kids are?

At 7pm, my parents definitely know where this kid is (not just because I live in their basement) but because anyone who knows me knows im a huge fan of Jeopardy (airing at 7pm on ABC- watch in hi-def it will blow your effing mind, the savants up close are cray-cray)

Being a fan of "America's Favorite Quiz Show" corresponds to my other "grandma" tendencies... ie. naps at any moment in the day... falling asleep during movies.... or at the movies... blindness without my glasses...

But yes, I am a huge fan. Such a big fan, that I bought it on wii for my(self) mom for Christmas this year. I can't even tell you how great of a game it is: the rush from pressing the button in time to type my answer in fast enough is almost as great of a high as Angry Birds (a game I secretly only recently discovered).

Is anyone else excited about this "Watson" character playing next week-- ITS A COMPUTER! That's right, the greatest Jeopardy Champions Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter (the Ben Roethlisberger-minus the rape- and Aaron Rodgers of Jeopardy-- what up football plug!) are playing against a COMPUTER. But all kidding aside- 50% of Jennings and Rutter's earnings will go to charity and 100% of Watson's will go to charity so it's a pretty cool idea- then again, I'd think any idea involving Jeopardy would be a cool one.


On that note, I will be registering to try out to be on jeopardy. I know, I know, a total long shot- I might as well try out for the NFL - whooaaaaaa FOOTBALL TWICE IN ONE BLOG.





Who knows, I could get lucky.

Peace. Love. Alex Trebek

board games? more like BORED games....

With all the snow last week and crazy weather this week, I've been doin' a lot of babysitting... and you know what that means, A LOT OF TLC... no, not tender, love and care, I'm talking Say Yes To The Dress and 4 weddings... also Toddlers in Tieras WHICH BLEW MY MIND... these LITTLE girls wear "flippers" AKA DENTURES and they looks like creep-tastic dolls. Anyways, last friday they suckered me into playing CLUE... you know the game where you eliminate the "Who"-with-the-"what"-in-the-"where", for about 3 hours... seriously. As I was moving Miss Scarlet towards the Billiards room I had a flash back to grade school. I remembered playing games after school because *secret confession* I was in the BOARD GAMES CLUB. What was WRONG with me (my parents!) ?!?! I mean I wasn't alone, I'm pretty sure there were a significant amount of other A.D.D children that I played these games with but in retrospect, seems like I must have been a big enough nerd that I had to join a club to get my peers to play games with me.

Oh, the stories I have from middle school. See, I went to a school that was about a 45 minute bus ride from Lower Merion. I sat on a bus with 30+ over-privileged, over-medicated, tweens frantically trying to finish their homework before their medicine had kicked in, because naturally, we were all too busy playing games in the "board games club" to finish our homework AFTER school like the normal kids.

Enough about my past, on to the future! I'd like to bid a big BON VOYAGE to, who I am 99% is my only reader, Becky. Becky will be leaving us for Israel where she will be living on Kabutz (sp?) for three months, but first we will be getting cheeseburgers at Elevation (free-range... same thing as kosher right?). I can't remember if I've ever blogged about elevation, but if you haven't had one of their burgers you are SERIOUSLY missing out. THEY EVEN GIVE YOU ONE OF THOSE CARDS WHERE IF YOU EAT 7 BURGERS THE 8th IS FREE- I only need to eat 4 more! (Diary of a fat girl...)

I hope you have access to a computer in Israel, Becky, or my ratings will drop 100%, GOOD LUCK!


Peace. Love. Shai LeBeouff.

New Year, New Body

Ahhh Its 2011, you know what that means, only 1 more year until the earth explodes....

whats up with this whole "new horoscope" business floating around on facebook... anyone?! anyone?? I refuse to believe that I may not be a capricorn... but who actually gives a shit, I just don't like change. Doesn't some cray-cray (Translation: Crazy) write those up daily... sweet job- and you said our economy is failing.

Side tracked! Back to new years- 'tis the season to make promises you know you'll never keep--> ie. I joined a gym!!

Why you ask? Well, despite the new year jumpstarting my drive to actually get off my butt and do something, Planet Fitness is pretty legit. I hate the idea of paying to work out... but PF isn't a bad deal, I pay 20 bones a month.. can work out at any planet fitness and I have a permanent invitation for a "plus one" to my home gym... (omg daaaaaateee nighhhtttt!! <3333)

So naturally the next step was to sign up yet again for the Broad Street Run- my incentive to continue workin' on a hot new bod that will bring me into the summer........... keep ya posted.

What have I been up to? Thanks for asking... This past wednesday I went to Silk City in no-libs-> last time I went there was with Ali and Steph.. I believe the next morning I had woken up with coleslaw in my hair and orange-tinted hands from the buffalo wings we HAD to have. This time was a little different, instead of purging on, for the sake of argument, less than healthy food, we watched The Best Westerns play what I believe was their second show-- and they were aweeeeeesomeeee- catchy and folky and of course the real kicker (shout out to Marty McFly!!!) was the last song on their set- Johnny B. Goode, reminded me of driving to the shore as a kid in my dad's red truck- the same red truck that had a bench as a back seat and if my brother's and I acted up he was able to hit the brakes in just the right way to make our heads bang against the plated glass behind us- that usually worked.

So if you've never checked out Silk City, it's a great place either to see a cool band like The Best Westerns, and grab a refreshing side of coleslaw- and if you're feelin' extra bold, both at the same time (gasp!)


Peace. Love. Daniel Tosh.


okay, secret confession... I always read my horoscope....

aw wittle wawa is gwoing up

For those of you who know me, and I mean REALLY know me.. know that for the first several years of my life I referred to myself as Wawa... some of you may be thinking... "no big deal, she had a speech impediment WHO didn't?" But for those of you with half a brain notice that "wawa" is also the best place on earth...

My point? I don't really have one.


But I ordered my business cards this week.... pretttttty pumped about it, I get to hand those bad-boys out to hot dudes at yuppy bars in center city (of course i will be driving or taking the train into center city.. I still live/work in my parents basement...)

I am still currently seeking an intern.. However I will not be paying you at all... except in compliments! BA DUM CHI! God. I'm hilarious.


But anywho- I GO TO BOSTON TOMORROW, ow ow! Visiting my cousin and two great friends and I couldn't be more excited about it! I promise updates on the Must-see places of the city as soon as I get back. Maybe I'll see a Tea Party member where the Tea Party went down... and I'll throw them into the harbor like those patriots did with the English tea. Gosh the Boston Tea Party (I'm talking about the historical event, not the political party..... duh) I distinctly remember learning about the Boston Tea party in grade school and thinking wow, these Americans are SERIOUSLY bad ass... think about it, they dressed up as native Americans, and threw massive amounts of tea into the Boston harbor... I think I even made a diorama depicting the event. What happened to us Americans being bad ass on such a scale? The current "tea party" just embarrasses the Boston Tea Party name... I say we get some tea and throw it into a fucking harbor! Thoughts?


Peace. Love. Sam Adams.

Some people will never grow up..

This past week reminds me a lot of the time I got into a car accident when I was 18. A day after I stayed up all night because of prom- I was on my way back from newtown square-while everyone else was blowing off senior project, I was taking real estate classes. I have what we like to call "catholic guilt" for some reason it is very difficult for me to do something half-ass and not feel extremely... unnecessarily guilty about it- so I was doing something with my time that could really benefit my future and not take advantage of the month off before graduation.

anywho- I was tired, cranky and most likely not paying too much attention when I rear-ended a BMW (metallic blue). Shaking, we both pull into the Wawa to exchange info and this main-line-mom in spandex starts gets out of her car, freaking out at me.. informing me that she not only was going to be late to her work out, but her lease was up in a week and this accident would ruin everything (did i mention i barely chipped her paint and my car was un-drivable). So, I did what any normal, hormonal, sleep-deprived teen would do, I cried and called my daddy...

So why is this relevant to my past week? This spandex wearing mom was my first realization (besides don't drive when youre too tired) that some women, no matter how much they go through, will forever be inherent bullies... no matter if you are a stay-at-home mom who dictates the PTA with an iron fist, or one with a full blown career who decides to threaten her ex-babysitter with a charge worth hundreds of dollars to replace the locks if they don't return their key by 5pm tonight (yes... THAT happened), once a bully, always a bully.. And those most susceptible to bullies? THOSE WITH CATHOLIC GUILT... it is ingrained in my blood for me to feel guilty for quitting a BABYSITTING JOB.. but now? NO MAS, PUTA (that's spanish for "no more, bitch"). What did I do this time? Did I cry and call dad?? NO DUDE, I stuck up for myself!

So folks, moral of the story? In the city (well,suburbs) of brotherly love- Be kind to your employees: respect and kindness can go a long way. Being a bully? Just causes teens to cry, keys to get "lost," aggressive e-mail to be sent, and bridges to be burned.


peace. love. philadelphia.

Happy New YEAR!

Okay, so it miiiiight not be new years, but I seriously feel revitalized. I am determined to get out of this slump I've been in and commit to blogging and getting my shit together.

I've had sort of a terrible week... well I shouldn't say terrible (caroline) I should say less than pleasant week. I have been having these terrible mood swings, no not menopause, I like to call it JOB-O-PAUSE, or maybe i should call it bi-joblar disorder.. that is probably more suiting.. as i manically apply to hundreds of jobs and then get super depressed that none respond. I've had these flashes of emotion thinking that I will simply NEVER get a job. I think I've sent my resume out ATLEAST 200 time ... I SWEAR that is not an overstatement. I even resorted back to babysitting.. and let me tell you.. its hell in a handbag. My first day on the job and i am walking their dog... i shouldn't even consider this BEAST to be a dog.. she's a 150 pound KING german shepard... come ON.. and get this... it shits ALL over itself the first day!! In a panic I find a hose... a spray the beast down... lets just say i doubt i got all of it.. its stepping in the poop and tracking it all around, and I just spray the leg off and call it a day-because i am NOT getting paid enough to touch poop...

So after feeling sorry for myself all week (cough all fall, cough), I attended a benefit where my best friend, caroline, spoke. She was super nervous but she conquered her fears and spoke (got a standing ovation) and was all-in-all really successful. It inspired me.

I think back to May, when I was so hopeful about gaining some experience in fundraising or non-profits in hopes to start my own one day... and well folks today I took the first steps!

I applied for non-profit status for "Sustainable Urban Development, Inc." YOU are now reading the BLOG of the PRESIDENT. how. fucking. bad ass.



So now, newly inspired by what I am calling "my new year," I will continue down this path towards sustainable, low to moderate income communities while making you laugh.

Don't lie. i know you're looking forward to it.

*L-dog OUT*

Why I could never be a house-wife

OKAY OKAY i'll acknowledge the elephant in the room.. its been... a long time. AGAIN. SORRY MOVING ON!!!


So just got back from Europe a couple weeks ago and I agreed to house sit for my cousin and his wife to look after their two dogs. Which is great, for 2 weeks I get to pretend that I don't live in my parents basement...

So as great as lounging around their house has been, it has made me exponentially aware that I need a career. It's sort of lit a fire under my butt about finding a job. (not that I haven't been looking... but now it's more urgent)

As I hypothetically pour a glass of wine, and pet Yoshi.. yes thats the dogs name, and he's fantastic.. I realize that I would go absolutely bat-shit if i had to stay home, not work, especially if I didn't have children...

On a lighter note, i've had a couple interviews with a company I want to work with-- fingers crossed!!

BACK TO NOTHING EVER HAPPENING IN PHILADELPHIA-

If you ever are anxious to get out of the city and head deep into the suburbs of Philadelphia, try out Downingtown, PA.

I've been out here for almost two weeks-- and the highlight of it was the Wegman's.. WEGMANS PEOPLE.. have you EVER BEEN to a WEGMANS?!?! ITS UNREAL! its the most glorious grocery store i've ever seen... aisles of baked goods, and tons of options, and these rice cakes they make by hand right there!! THEY POP! ITS RAD.

There is also a movie theatre and i believe there is a Cracker Barrel

No but really- Have you ever heard of Victory, the micro brewery? well.. GUESS WHERE ITS LOCATED?! THATS RIGHT DOWNINGTOWN... its really great food, an interesting atmosphere with high ceilings and tons of options, a must-see of Downingtown.


WELP IM OUT MUCHO AMOR!

welp didn't take the job

Didn't take the job, long story, but its good timing for me to be unemployed... and after this week, my unemployment will be official.

So Fourth of July came and went, we had an awesome weekend of boozing, boating, and being morons. Jim's fireworks display had the entire beach clapping before he disappeared into the night so the fuzz wouldn't find him..

On the saturday night before the fourth, we all went to the Springfield in Sea Isle. I RECOMMEND THIS BAR.. only because there are about 3 bars in the surrounding area of ocean city, and this one... which is a dive, is the least dive-y-est of them all... if that makes sense. The Live band that played mixed each song right into one another to keep the party going... they even wore blonde wigs when they covered Lady Ga Ga.... who needs to pay 200 dollars for a ticket to her show, when you can see her music covered in a sweaty bar in sea isle for 5 dollars...

Sunday was spent tubing, hands down, the best day of summer so far. Drinking PBRs with Pat, my cousins, Kat and some germans, we let our skin burn and swam in the bay... while being attacked relentlessly by green heads.

As for the past week, I've been doing the single mom thing, making masks out of play-doh, ironing beads together in the shape of snow flakes and beach umbrellas, going to the pool and more importantly taking a night to the beach.

Yeah, so last week i took the girls to beach, where I proceeded to fall asleep for 2 hours on the beach while they played... sooooo responsible.

We went on some rides on the boardwalk... one being Double shot... its that ride where you sit in a harness, they lift you up a couple stories in the sky and drop you. I LOVE THIS RIDE.. I CANT EVEN TELL YOU.. but of course i nervously laugh and scream the ENTIRE time I'm on it. Olivia and I were on the boardwalk sign and the ENTIRE BOARDWALK stopped and stared at me, probably thinking I was like lit on fire or something with how loud i was.


This weekend, I went back to the shore ... duhh... I waited for my mom to get off of work on friday so i could drive with her down in my new car! The entire time though i think i made her nervous as i saw her bracing and reaching for the clutch everytime i went around a turn.... When i finally got down atoud 11:30 i got dressed quickly and olivia, amy, kelsey, mike, mark, and kevin went to Atlantic City for the night to do some gambling, and I DDed. I lost 15 bucks in a penny slot.... whatever, haha and decided to play black jack for the first time, $15 minimum. I threw a Benny on the table and set up my first hand... Dealer hit 21... off the bat.. okayyy i thought i'll try again... So i put another $15 down, and AGAIN the dealer fucking hits a queen and an ACE... WHAT THE HELL ... i think that was an omen.. So i cashed in the rest of my chips and we hit up the bar in the middle of Harrahs, which i actually really like. After being carded literally 5 times at the bar.. even though i was only drinking water all night, we decided to try to go to the Pool Bar for an hour or so... While making our way there... it was no shit puke-fest 2010. WE must have seen 3 different girls throwing up, and throw up all ove hte floor on the way there... it was a turn off to the bar, so we decided to just head home... with 45 dollars less than i came.. but atleast a good time.

unfortunately, it rained all of saturday, but it wa okay, i was feeling pretty lazy anyways. My parents and I went out to the Inlet for dinner, i had Sangria in hopes that Spain would win the world cup (and they did!! felicidades, espana!) and just had a mellow night on my porch with Mike, Mark, Tim, Jake, adam and of course olivia, just drinking a few beers... icing jake.. and just hanging out, and going to bed early.

Sunday was amazing, Josh picked me up and we went surfing for a few hours... IM SO SORE.. Im definitely not used to it, but it was soo fun, caught several nice waves, but the undertow was sooo strong, i had to call it quits by 3.

anyways, if you've never tried surfing, you definitely should. Its one of the most incredible feelings ever.

well im off to entertain the kids--> TIGER BEATS TONIGHT, if anyone is interested!!

much love, Have a great week

xoxo, gossip girl

NEW JOB: BRINGING NERDS TO EMPLOYMENT

THATS RIGHT- I got a job... look at me, new car, new job, now I just need to move out of my parents basement...

no literally... i'm living in their basement. This morning i made myself breakfast and watched an episode of full house before i had to come in to babysit... thats what we like to call REGRESSION... I am reverting, slowly, back to my childhood...... full house was even being played on a station called TEEN NICK... (equivilant to our generations "SNICK") I've also been going to bed around 10pm... seriously, its like someone pushed me into a time machine and I've reverted back to my awkward teen years... living vicariously through DJ and Steve's love life.

anyways... this new job... which i will from here on refer to as bringing nerds to employment... is as a head hunter. Basically, I talk to IT doods and find out what they want, see if their not happy at their jobs and try to get them something that makes them happier or that pays more.. and then i steal a percentage of their income.. BOO YAH. haha

Sooo... speaking of being a child. Today I am taking the girls i babysit to see ECLIPSE... oh Edward sooo dreammyyy
(i've totally bought into the twilight stuff.... in fact I haven't even read the last book because i just dont want it to ever be over...! GUILTY)


well Everyone, happy hump day!

I cannnnoottt wait for this weekend in Ocean City, Seriously all of my favorite people are going to be there :D

I dont have any final line about something fun and exciting to do in the city this week... but thats okay because you should all be seeing Eclipse anyways... everyday... all day...

one-love

THIS JUST IN: if you're still in work and trying to kill the last 25 minutes until the weekend-- THEN THIS BLOG IS FOR YOU

So once again, because nothing ever happens in this lame ass city, I ventured to New York City last weekend to visit my friend steph with liz.

If you ever go to the BIG CITY and are cravin' some mexicana (comida not chica- get your head outta your ass) then you HAVE GOT TO TRY THIS PLACE IN MID TOWN. "BLOCK HEADS"-- Not only was the food unreal ( and for a reasonable price.. i mean relatively speaking, we were in NY) but they have these BANGA-LICIOUS Margaritas, they don't fuck around. It has a great bite of tequila, which you can also upgrade for a low cost- I personally like to taste the tequila in my marg.... because if not, i'll end up with a massive sugar-induced head ache/ stomach ache... HELLOOO i'm ordering a margarita not a smirnof ice... ahhhduhh. But I also tried this really great margarita... it was frozen and had a carona pouring slowly into it... LIKE MAGIC. they wedged the lime in the carona at the most perfect angle to get the taste of beer and margarita... you might think this sounds gross but in fact it was fan-fucking-tastic.

Anyways, after dinner, we walked the streets towards the subway... some carrying a tune while i was carrying a food baby in my belly... seriously ate so fucking much, hopped onto the subway towards queens. thanks to the trusty- iphone (no mac does not sponsor this blog) we found the biergarten (thats german for beer garden... i think) in Astoria where we road that buzzing wave and downed pitchers ($15) of delicious hefeweizen, hoegaardens, and much .... much more. When we started to get a little bored (frustrated that boys weren't talking to us) We decided to make our own fun... and meet some people while we did it...

...claiming we were reporters for the main line times, we asked how people found out about the beer garden and why they came, and if they knew any other little "gems" in queens... thats right, and people bought it.

holding back laughter and somehow managing to keep a straight face we were charming while being convincing.... We asked for a "picture and a quote" from about 5 different groups of guys... here are the best ones we got.




**quick note, so liz was taking notes on her black berry and e-mailing me the quotes... this is a copy of one of the emails she sent me**

"Little secret of astoria" - nick--> They have cars. "Its not bad. My bro lives in astoria. Its not too bad. U have to pay during peak hours. But afterr that hmm" He's a cutie laura. Ill say it. "Weekends are free. Honestly this is my first time here. I meet a lot of ppl. Always got a friend in philly."

Some more quotes:

"Haven't inspected it much. " "Intamate. Can talk and chill. Outside and nice." "Everyine part of a bar. Not limited. More spread out. Like eurpoe "

"I've bever been to eupore but it feels eurpoean. The beer garden is it" -andrew and jonathon

"Drink cranberry and vodka when you come here. Pregame. If you're old get a beer" jonahathon (hahaha)

"Its a real change. Its fresh. From boring NYC bars. Casual atmosphere."- joe from brooklyn


Here's when the quotes start getting a little more aggressive... i think people were sort of getting drunk and starting to really believe we were legit.... this one guy was REALLY not into the fact that i kept saying "well Daddy got me the job at the Paper.. and he flew us out of philly to new york for this weekend... yep all on his dime..."

"Now you've justivied your newspaper as something that sucks... "

"The original RAYS is in coney island. Suppsodily original rays in jerzeeeeee citayyyy" --- that argument went on for a while... i have no idea what the fuck rays is...

Quoting a line in liz's email...
"The fightins. Shout out. Mheach 1. This homebou had been cited. Has noot been cited but 4 stories stolen from his blog*** . Laura u told me to star this."

I have no idea why i wanted that starred...



So thats when we pretty much stopped, at one point we tried to tell people we were just making the whole thing up but i guess we must have done a really good job because they didn't believe us!

I will be emailing the people who quoted us... i hope you're not too dissapointed when you realize its just my blog!!--> BUT SUBSCRIBE, COMMENT, YELL I DONT CARE JUST FOLLOW ME haha and tell your friends


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so enough about new york, lets talk about philly. Wednesday I headed into the city again for Center City sips... If you're trying to sweat your ass off and rub elbows with Philadelphia's finest yuppies (suburbia's graduates really making it big... gag me...) then Ladder 15 is the place for you!!! It's a two story high school reunion of 20-somethings- pushing and shoving to get as many 2 dollar blue moons as possible in 2 hours.... so after about 2 beers.. we peaced.


-----
which is what I am going to do now.

feel free to join me at Mad River tonight in Old City from 8-10, $5 cover, for dollar drinks and dollar beers... however i drink fo' free... and you probably can too... you're basically guaranteed a free 2 hours of drinking on some friday night if you fill out a card for it.

check ya self befo' you wreck yo'self.

For the record, i didn't re-read this blog, so forgive me of type-os and errors and just plain lame-ness this week

"Not only am I funny... but I like sports... think about it..."

...so Jo and I have been on this biking kick.

I really never thought of myself as a biker before... I mean, ocean city I would cruise occasionally... but that's a bit different- a fixed gear beach cruiser and the island is completely flat... The bike is really only used to get me from one party to the other faster... or wawa... yummm- compared to my dad's bad ass mountain bike.

Anyways, so after not biking for about a week, Jo and I sucked wind in Wissahickon (sp?) trails-- you know the one that parallels lincoln drive. Well anyways, its TOUGH TERRAIN.. i mean sometimes there are even ROCKS in the path and other times, we cross over BRIDGES. THATS hardcore.

Oh and there was an incident. I dont know if I should talk about it. Let's just say, one poor little chipmunk may he rest in peace... Jo and I were busy gabbing about God knows what to notice this poor little chipmunk that ran under jo's wheel, until it was too late. Both of us SCREAMED at the TOP of our lungs, nervously laughed- because both of us have zero tact when it comes to reacting to situations like these... and i practically had to hold Jo back from doing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on little Alvin.

I like to think that Alvin lived a fulfilled life in those woods... playing amongst the trees. but honest to god I think the rodent must have had a death wish, like WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!

So tonight, If you're tiger beating or bar-hopping, pour some out for our homie Alvin. one-love.



So a quick recap on my weekend.

Friday night I had to babysit until about 11. That's right I got to go see Shrek in 3-D on the woman I work for's dime. So me and the girls go to chipotle first, and me, being cheap, suggest we fill up our sodas and sneak them into the theater... welll you can imagine how that went. Lily offered to hold two sodas in her purse, which she would strategically wrap in a sweatshirt... that's right, I relied on a ten year old to hold two full fountain sodas .... THEY BARELY HAVE LIDS... by the time we got to our seats her bag was leaking diet soda... all over her nintendo DS and ipod... i get it people- i ruined a girls weekend because i was trying to save a dollar. Well I think it turned out okay, we put the DS and ipod in rice when we got home and everything thing seems kosher today.

so it was late and i was tired but My parents went to the shore... and i HATE staying in that house alone, so I proceeded to fill a water glass to the rim with grape juice (wine), drink the grape juice (wine) as quickly as possible, and pass out watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother, with purple stained teeth...

Saturday I went into the city with mike and brett for cheesesteaks and the USA v England game. I do know why but I recently have been really into watching sports at bars.... Its actually fun. I went to Drinkers for the Stanley Cup, which was awesome, until we lost... then it was just awkward.

Anyways... this brings me to saturday night.

Liz came over and we made road sodas for our train ride into the city. Basically 1 part sprite 2 parts gin, and practically bar hopped from suburban station to old city, first we stopped in continental- split a 10 dollar martini which was excessively sweet, peaced out to drinkers, where i eye-fucked the bartender hoping he'd give me a free PBR............ paid for my PBR, ran into a friend I know from intramural basketball, cabbed it to drinkers in old city (because we went to the wrong one... ) got a beer there, attempted to follow liz's brother and his friends to a mystery club called "Q" but instead shifted missions to crash a girl who graduated two years before me's bachelorette party ...(congrats tina!) Cut the line at said bar, no idea which one, and liz and I bet each other a high-five to see who could get the most numbers. I got 3 i think- only one of these numbers should actually count (thanks bryan!) haha- I have some number I saved in my phone as "A" and a british guy's number who i proceeded later to text "not only am i funny... but i like sports... think about it brit." WHAT!?!? hahah happens. lets just say I'm still pending his response...


Alright, I'm keeping this one shorter. Hopefully I'll be more disciplined about writing, but who am i kidding.

It has literally been a month

So it's been one whole month since I last updated this blog ... completely unacceptable.

So this past month what have i done?

babysat every day - went on about 5 interviews - got a job offer - declined the job offer - didn't get any other offers - completed my senior seminar presentation - made a flower pot in ceramics - ruined said flower pot because im a moron - saw ludacris live - stayed up all night - finished classes - got decent grades - refused to pay parking tickets at school - school is now withholding my diploma - graduated - almost thought I was missing a class (thanks black board) - raged in AC with the pechin pack - lost my shoes - foot bled - stopped by security guard because foot was bleeding - and then had 100 of my closest family and friends over for a joint graduation party with my brother yesterday.

that about sums it up. But i think i have to go into some more details about this weekend.

My brosef- see what i did there... combined brother and joseph, my brother pat had 5 friends come visit philadelphia, 4 were from germany and had never been so we went out in center city. After excessive amount of beer and vodka, we headed to south street for bob and barbaras. THE SPECIALS THERE ARE INCREDIBLE! IF YOUVE NEVER BEEN ITS a GREAT dive bar but its super crowded with no space anywhere to function. But they have a 3 dollar special (YES EVEN ON FRIDAYS) for PBR and a shot of whiskey. so obvi i got drunk and kept buying them for people.

Well instead of going home, which would have been the smart thing to do, we decide with 20 minutes left until the bars close to head over to drinkers, because u can get a 40oz there for cheap. boarder line blacked out, we lose one of the germans, but its okay because he was "on 15th street" unable to find a cross street or anyone who could help him. So jim rolls up in the suburban, and 9 of us pile in, wrecked, searching the streets for Roman.

Saturday night we went to my house in manayunk (which is soon to be over :( no more lease) and rage at kildares and cuddy's. another great night, where we ended up at main street munchies hoovering cheese steaks and fries- where we discovered the future president of the united states, pat's thesis partner. Proceeded home to watch Land of the Lost and I fell asleep sititng up clutching a stuffed animal. classy.

So sunday was the party, soo much fun, so many people showed up and we had a really great time. Some people swam, i proceeded to keep a steady buzz the entire time and rub elbows with cousins and family i hadn't seen in ages. I love when the Thornton's get together, its always hilarious.

Since I am currently unemployed, when I was asked what the next step was, I joked that I was currently working as a single mother (babysitting) and that I would be moving in with my new room mates Jim and Cheryl (my parents) but it was great cause I met them on craigslist and utilities were included in the cheap rent. :D probably used that joke more than dane cook uses his growing up catholic joke.. but i think it killed.

Welp. today i dropped my cousin off at my grandparents retirement home. That place is LEGIT. not only do they have bangin' food, BUT they live in a building with ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS. ITS LIKE COLLEGE.. BUT BETTER, cause you dont have to go to class or wake up early and you can have pets! talk about living the DREAM.

i love them so much too, my grandma just bought an Apple computer... thats right my 83 year old grandmother is using mac's.... shes amazing!

Thats all for now!

tiger beats tonight with my fam! Larry, Jim, Nicole (pat has to be in DC tomorrow so he can't come) and jo percy and corey and anyone else who wants to come!

Thats all for now... I want to rip off Philip DeFranco's vlog and start asking a question of the day or something to get people commenting and talking... any suggestions on something similar to that? For now i'll ask quesitons:

Question of the dia:
Do you Gleek?