Call me Suzy Chapstick

So, because I've made millions of dollars in the last year... (obviously not) I bought skis with my friends Jo and Mike (aka my only readers- hi guys!) so I can do something besides hybrinate and gain 1037427932847 lbs this winter.





But, I got a new job, they hired me because I'm so good with paint and photoshop!

Sexy Farmer Look

I'm just gonna jump right out and say it. I know you're all thinking it. THANK GOD my blogs are back. Here we go,


I wish I could explain to the world how Fox's show the New Girl is loosely based on my life. The amount I can relate to Jess, the main character played by Zooey Deschanel, is unbelievable. Whether its her complete inability to have any type of game when it comes to guys, not being able to say the word "penissst" (I prefer "pee-pee boy", or thinking overalls make her look like a "sexy farmer", it never stops surprising me how similar we are.

Compare:

Zooey sporting overalls, heels and librarian glasses,



or... me sporting a white undershirt and jean cut offs 2 sizes to big, actually farming...




Who makes the sexier farmer? You decide. But I think we all know the answer.

Something old, something new, something BALLER, something blue

So once again its been a while, so I thought I'd update you on some fun things that have happened in the last month or so.

I went to Nascar. Thats right. NASCAR. I attended a massive tailgate with 70 JMU alum where speakers were blasting music and pulled pork was abundant. It was quite eventful. Day drinking can get tiresome, but when you start at noon (well i guess 10:30 we had mimosas) and the race doesn't even begin until 7 or 8 you're bound to miss the end. We went into Nascar for atleast half the race, but it was time to go. Our necks were red (no pun intended...maybe) and we were all severely dehydrated... as soon as we got back to my brother's friends parents house (got it?) I beelined for my bed, no longer than several hours of deep sleep I awoke PARCHED. I stumbled to the bathroom, scooped water from the faucet with my hands because only civilized people use glasses (hey, it was nascar remember?) I woke up in the morning and was picked up by Mike and Drew and we drove 35 miles out of the way to get Sonic.. which I had never had before, but must admit has some tasty milkshakes, I could have done without the burger.


What I really wanted to write about was the most amazing night ever. THANK YOU COREY! Corey won q102's Bridesmaids give-away (no... she is not getting married.) She and 9 friends (this girl included) gathered at her apartment last friday around 7:30pm where we were escorted by a limo just a block away to a restaurant called kokopellis. Since said restaurant was only 500 feet from Corey's apartment we asked Maquees (the best driver ever) to please stop at a liquor store for champagne, drive around city hall and prepare himself to get crazy.

We used up almost our entire tab at kokopellis ($800 thanks to Q102) eating delicious tapas style food and taking copious shots of top shelf tequila with the waitress and the bus boy. Now that we were feelin' loose, it was time give Marquees the 20 minute heads up, and roll up to The Roxxy.

There, we cut the line because we was VIP babay, had free entry and Corey had her choice of flavored vodka on Elvis... (No i do not mean that she would be drinking vodka off an elvis but rather I am referring to the Q102 morning talk show "Elvis in the Morning") Being pretty sauced up as we were, we barely put a dent in the liquor and in fact, after about an hour of being there called Marquees and tried to sneak the bottles out in our small jackets... fail.

Words cannot explain how crazy this night was. Thank you Corey and Q102 for making this "bachelorette" party one I (and hte cops outside The Roxxy that flashed their lights for Corey) will never forget!

I lost my flyers virginity

Yesterday was a big day for me...

I went to my first flyers game ever and experienced every single aspect of a hockey game in one night!! Well.. almost ever aspect, except the ONE part I wanted to see, a fight. Sighh... even though there was no fight, it was a really awesome time:

Since my friend mike's fam has these great seats right behind the penalty box, we got to experience hockey players, pucks and penalties at a range I never would have imagined. Then, thanks to my fancy connections as well, we were able to spend most of the second period getting free beers and gourmet (well.. that could be a stretch) food in a suite thanks to a friend of mine- seriously like the best suite in the stadium, center ice... court.. field? what is it called?

As if experiencing my first flyers game from 2 incredible angles wasn't enough, we had several photo-shoots by Print Room Photo Services - you know the guys that walk around with cameras hoping you'll go online and buy the photo instead of just taking the screen shot- thanks for getting that screen shot jo!

The BEST part of the night (YEAH IT GETS EVEN BETTER) which goes beyond discovering it was Dollar Dog Night (which made me love my first flyers experience THAT much more- we all know hot dogs are my favorite meal) but on top of THAT some dude made it RAIN wieners!!! Seriously, we caught on film what will make all of us who attended the game, YouTube celebrities, or atleast the guy we were filming a local celebrity (delluuuusssionnalll???)- which if ANY of you know ANY thing about me, its that I want NOTHING more than to become a youTube star and then get a web redemption with Daniel Tosh, where he falls madly in love with me and we will run off into the Hollywood Hills together... yup.

Check it out.






Peace. Love. Oscar Mayer.

CHUG-A-CHOO-CHOO-BEER!

See what I did there, with the title? I combined Chuga-choo-choo like a train with Chug A Beer... Why am I not on television again??

I know I've been M.I.A but I actually blogged 3 times, I think, in February which is a new record. I think.

Moving on,


ITS THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN.. Time to hop back on a school bus and drink some beers- SAINT PATTYS DAY '11!! Wo0o0o0o0o0o0o!

I dont know what your plans are this weekend, but if you've never gone on the Erin Express, you're missing out. This Saturday, get cho ass to philly and hop on the Erin Express and experience St Pattys day with hundreds of sweaty boozers on a yellow school bus. Okay, to be honest I've only done the Erin Express 1 time before. It was fun, but severely crowded and a ton of waiting around for buses to pick us up.

Not your style? Well if you're anything like me and enjoy craft beer, multiple bars in philly are running specials through the Craft Beer Express targeted at a more "mature audience"- this may sound pervy but they're trying to create events based on quality beer with comfortable amounts of people. For $10, this bus ride will take you to any bars between Kraftworks, Johnny Brenda's, Standard Tap, The Institute, Bishop's Collar, Kite & Key, Jose Pistolas, Sidecar, P.O.P.E, Devils Den,Brauhaus Schmitz & Race St. Cafe. I think I'm in. www.craftbeerexpress.com

okay since the only thing clever/humorous was the title of this blog I'll leave you with a haiku:

St. Patty's Day:

Green is all around
Beer is also all around
Drink beer til you're green.



Peace. Love. St. Patrick

I love myself.

Today's blog is dedicated to my favorite person ever: ME. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, ME!



So, because I love myself so much, I bought myself a GIANT heart-shaped box of chocolate for Valentine's Day. Later tonight, I will curl up to a ro-co (romantic comedy... aka probably just play jeopardy!) or watch old episodes of 30 Rock (who better than Liz Lemon to spend V-day with?!) while I take massive amounts of chocolate to the face.


Speaking of Jeopardy... THIS WEEK IS COMPUTER WEEK!!! OO! OO! And yes, I got a reminder in my e-mail for "Man Vs. Machine" telling me that tonight, tomorrow and wednesday our dear friends I've mentioned before are challenging IBM's "Watson" to a tournament. ... I know, I know, I've talked about this before- old blews (thats my new word for blog news-> blews). But whatever. I'm cool. And so is Jeopardy.

Back to me. This weekend I went to Arlington... something new and different for me. Well, I guess it was different this time. With a friend visiting from Texas, we ended up doing some touristy things.. Saw some monuments and just walked around the mall (NO not a SHOPPING MALL... READ A BOOK) On Saturday night we went out in Adam's Morgan- SO FUN, a super young part of town- we went to a great bar called Madam Organ- (clever? yes ) with a live band. But what is not so fun? Fighting against the massive amounts of crowds as the bars let out and the 10,000+ Teach Teach For America teachers in town for their conference. So we went into numerous pizza shops, where Jason proceeded to eat, what I can only assume was an entire pizza, by the slice and I bonded with the workers, because I too know how to throw a pizza as well (please no standing ovation).

So kids, I'm out.

Peace. Love. Arcade Fire

It's 7pm, do you know where your kids are?

At 7pm, my parents definitely know where this kid is (not just because I live in their basement) but because anyone who knows me knows im a huge fan of Jeopardy (airing at 7pm on ABC- watch in hi-def it will blow your effing mind, the savants up close are cray-cray)

Being a fan of "America's Favorite Quiz Show" corresponds to my other "grandma" tendencies... ie. naps at any moment in the day... falling asleep during movies.... or at the movies... blindness without my glasses...

But yes, I am a huge fan. Such a big fan, that I bought it on wii for my(self) mom for Christmas this year. I can't even tell you how great of a game it is: the rush from pressing the button in time to type my answer in fast enough is almost as great of a high as Angry Birds (a game I secretly only recently discovered).

Is anyone else excited about this "Watson" character playing next week-- ITS A COMPUTER! That's right, the greatest Jeopardy Champions Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter (the Ben Roethlisberger-minus the rape- and Aaron Rodgers of Jeopardy-- what up football plug!) are playing against a COMPUTER. But all kidding aside- 50% of Jennings and Rutter's earnings will go to charity and 100% of Watson's will go to charity so it's a pretty cool idea- then again, I'd think any idea involving Jeopardy would be a cool one.


On that note, I will be registering to try out to be on jeopardy. I know, I know, a total long shot- I might as well try out for the NFL - whooaaaaaa FOOTBALL TWICE IN ONE BLOG.





Who knows, I could get lucky.

Peace. Love. Alex Trebek

board games? more like BORED games....

With all the snow last week and crazy weather this week, I've been doin' a lot of babysitting... and you know what that means, A LOT OF TLC... no, not tender, love and care, I'm talking Say Yes To The Dress and 4 weddings... also Toddlers in Tieras WHICH BLEW MY MIND... these LITTLE girls wear "flippers" AKA DENTURES and they looks like creep-tastic dolls. Anyways, last friday they suckered me into playing CLUE... you know the game where you eliminate the "Who"-with-the-"what"-in-the-"where", for about 3 hours... seriously. As I was moving Miss Scarlet towards the Billiards room I had a flash back to grade school. I remembered playing games after school because *secret confession* I was in the BOARD GAMES CLUB. What was WRONG with me (my parents!) ?!?! I mean I wasn't alone, I'm pretty sure there were a significant amount of other A.D.D children that I played these games with but in retrospect, seems like I must have been a big enough nerd that I had to join a club to get my peers to play games with me.

Oh, the stories I have from middle school. See, I went to a school that was about a 45 minute bus ride from Lower Merion. I sat on a bus with 30+ over-privileged, over-medicated, tweens frantically trying to finish their homework before their medicine had kicked in, because naturally, we were all too busy playing games in the "board games club" to finish our homework AFTER school like the normal kids.

Enough about my past, on to the future! I'd like to bid a big BON VOYAGE to, who I am 99% is my only reader, Becky. Becky will be leaving us for Israel where she will be living on Kabutz (sp?) for three months, but first we will be getting cheeseburgers at Elevation (free-range... same thing as kosher right?). I can't remember if I've ever blogged about elevation, but if you haven't had one of their burgers you are SERIOUSLY missing out. THEY EVEN GIVE YOU ONE OF THOSE CARDS WHERE IF YOU EAT 7 BURGERS THE 8th IS FREE- I only need to eat 4 more! (Diary of a fat girl...)

I hope you have access to a computer in Israel, Becky, or my ratings will drop 100%, GOOD LUCK!


Peace. Love. Shai LeBeouff.

New Year, New Body

Ahhh Its 2011, you know what that means, only 1 more year until the earth explodes....

whats up with this whole "new horoscope" business floating around on facebook... anyone?! anyone?? I refuse to believe that I may not be a capricorn... but who actually gives a shit, I just don't like change. Doesn't some cray-cray (Translation: Crazy) write those up daily... sweet job- and you said our economy is failing.

Side tracked! Back to new years- 'tis the season to make promises you know you'll never keep--> ie. I joined a gym!!

Why you ask? Well, despite the new year jumpstarting my drive to actually get off my butt and do something, Planet Fitness is pretty legit. I hate the idea of paying to work out... but PF isn't a bad deal, I pay 20 bones a month.. can work out at any planet fitness and I have a permanent invitation for a "plus one" to my home gym... (omg daaaaaateee nighhhtttt!! <3333)

So naturally the next step was to sign up yet again for the Broad Street Run- my incentive to continue workin' on a hot new bod that will bring me into the summer........... keep ya posted.

What have I been up to? Thanks for asking... This past wednesday I went to Silk City in no-libs-> last time I went there was with Ali and Steph.. I believe the next morning I had woken up with coleslaw in my hair and orange-tinted hands from the buffalo wings we HAD to have. This time was a little different, instead of purging on, for the sake of argument, less than healthy food, we watched The Best Westerns play what I believe was their second show-- and they were aweeeeeesomeeee- catchy and folky and of course the real kicker (shout out to Marty McFly!!!) was the last song on their set- Johnny B. Goode, reminded me of driving to the shore as a kid in my dad's red truck- the same red truck that had a bench as a back seat and if my brother's and I acted up he was able to hit the brakes in just the right way to make our heads bang against the plated glass behind us- that usually worked.

So if you've never checked out Silk City, it's a great place either to see a cool band like The Best Westerns, and grab a refreshing side of coleslaw- and if you're feelin' extra bold, both at the same time (gasp!)


Peace. Love. Daniel Tosh.


okay, secret confession... I always read my horoscope....